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alohanakoni · 1 August 2009, 12:42 AM

While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:

"Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: £105.00

Court costs: £45

Look on copper's face: Priceless.

idk01 · 1 August 2009, 12:53 AM

Excellent!!!

SubmarinerMan · 1 August 2009, 02:03 AM

Hilarious!

:r ofl:

JJ Irani · 1 August 2009, 05:33 AM

Rebel · 1 August 2009, 05:39 AM

limbo · 1 August 2009, 08:20 AM

onkyo · 1 August 2009, 08:50 AM

asadtiger · 2 August 2009, 02:51 AM

Hilarious ..I actually Laughed out very Loud

BGRINDEL · 2 August 2009, 03:27 AM

Tony-GB · 2 August 2009, 04:30 AM

coddger · 2 August 2009, 01:59 PM

swatty · 2 August 2009, 05:19 PM

Lion · 3 August 2009, 06:18 AM

Very funny!!!

Gerry · 3 August 2009, 08:32 AM

steelers · 4 August 2009, 03:35 AM

JPersat · 4 August 2009, 03:37 AM

Hey now!!! I resemble that remark....but I dont sit behind bridges.

TSW · 23 July 2011, 11:09 PM

Art 1 · 23 July 2011, 11:20 PM

johnbeth · 23 July 2011, 11:22 PM

brkanand · 23 July 2011, 11:27 PM

I am still laughing..............!

1 August 2009, 12:42 AM	#1
alohanakoni "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Real Name: Anthony Location: USA Watch: Rolex Daytona TT Posts: 860	Rectum Stretcher While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." To which he asked, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet." Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?" To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Speeding ticket: £105.00 Court costs: £45 Look on copper's face: Priceless. __________________ "Chicka chicka bow wow!"

1 August 2009, 12:53 AM	#2
idk01 "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Dave Location: Australia Watch: DJ16233TT Posts: 18,485	Excellent!!! __________________ *Apprentice to Terry Newton; Superstar and Fake Sleuth*

1 August 2009, 02:03 AM	#3
SubmarinerMan "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2009 Real Name: Matt Location: Bedfordshire, UK Watch: 16610LV Posts: 1,046	Hilarious! :r ofl: __________________ Rolex Submariner 16610 LV 'M'. Rolex Submariner 16610 'M'. Rolex Sea-Dweller 126600. Omega Seamaster 2226.80.00. Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean 2907.50.91 .

1 August 2009, 05:33 AM	#4
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,319	__________________ Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!!

1 August 2009, 05:39 AM	#5
Rebel "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Real Name: Dr Mark R Nail Location: New Albany Watch: Tudor Sub 75090 Posts: 8,254	__________________ ------------------------------- Member of the Nylon Nation

1 August 2009, 08:20 AM	#6
limbo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,624

1 August 2009, 08:50 AM	#7
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2 August 2009, 02:51 AM	#8
asadtiger "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Asad A. Awan Location: kabul, Afghanista Watch: Tissot PRX Posts: 2,698	Hilarious ..I actually Laughed out very Loud

2 August 2009, 03:27 AM	#9
BGRINDEL "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Arizona Posts: 452

2 August 2009, 04:30 AM	#10
Tony-GB "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Real Name: Tony Location: Oxfordshire, UK Watch: 116680 & 116622 Posts: 3,953	__________________ "...why oh why, didn't I take the blue pill...?" http://www.helenanddouglas.org.uk/ www.cheetah.org

2 August 2009, 01:59 PM	#11
coddger "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: Only Mom Knows Location: Land Of The Free Watch: 116520,16610,16013 Posts: 1,573	__________________ Contentment Is Not The Fulfillment Of Getting All The Watches You Want, It Is The Realization Of How Many Rolexes You Already Have.

2 August 2009, 05:19 PM	#12
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3 August 2009, 06:18 AM	#13
Lion "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Leo Location: Midwest Watch: GMT-II 16710 PEPSI Posts: 21,461	Very funny!!! __________________ SS GMT-II 16710 PEPSI(Z-serial#) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND BOYS IS THE PRICE OF THE TOYS!!! MontBlanc Meisterstuck Doue Silver Barley MontBlanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Doue Signum Proud Card Carrying Member of the Curmudgeons.....Yikes!!!

3 August 2009, 08:32 AM	#14
Gerry "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Melbourne, Aus. Watch: Z Series 16613 Posts: 887	__________________

4 August 2009, 03:35 AM	#15
steelers "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Dallas Posts: 815

4 August 2009, 03:37 AM	#16
JPersat "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: Jarrett Location: San Antonio TX Watch: ing everybody Posts: 1,515	Hey now!!! I resemble that remark....but I dont sit behind bridges.

23 July 2011, 11:09 PM	#17
TSW "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: TSW Location: Le Brassus Watch: Rolex & AP's Posts: 27,449	__________________ AP Owners Club IG @swiss.watch.connection

23 July 2011, 11:20 PM	#18
Art 1 Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Florida, Canada Watch: Rol/Seik/Tud/Omega Posts: 30,244

23 July 2011, 11:22 PM	#19
johnbeth "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Real Name: John Location: Australia Watch: Depends on mood. Posts: 9,536

23 July 2011, 11:27 PM	#20
brkanand 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Real Name: DrK Location: India Watch: 4=YMDaytonaGMTHulk Posts: 7,052	I am still laughing..............!

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