One Liners‏

[11618]

Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidently swigged from a
bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction.

I was at work yesterday when a female colleague asked me what my ring tone
was. I said "light brown like everyone else's". These women are certainly
more forward these days.

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers....... so I
did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy


Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me
out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been
living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.



I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for fucks sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'


e.

Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your
bloody tee ready!

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's
voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or
lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a go!

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a
small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham .

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says,
'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then fuck off'

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'



Tony

[Bangel]

Boom tish!

[Art 1]

[mjclark32]

Haha some real good ones