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grizwold225 · 3 April 2014, 05:11 AM

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For God’s sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
An American tourist asks Paddy:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which Paddy replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat."

FeelingTheBlues · 3 April 2014, 11:21 AM

Hairdude1 · 3 April 2014, 03:33 PM

Funny

Bangel · 7 April 2014, 09:49 PM

77T · 9 April 2014, 11:55 AM

Bisquitlips · 11 February 2015, 10:04 AM

No! Just NO!!!

Psmith · 14 February 2015, 08:31 AM

vitalsignsrn · 14 February 2015, 02:49 PM

These are really good.

asadtiger · 14 February 2015, 03:56 PM

Tri-Tip · 18 February 2015, 09:12 AM

Is Paddy blonde by chance?

MonBK · 18 February 2015, 09:14 AM

:)

watchwatcher · 16 April 2015, 02:50 AM

3 April 2014, 05:11 AM	#1
grizwold225 "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Real Name: Graham Location: Sandy, England Watch: 16550 Exp II Ivory Posts: 35	Paddy Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --- Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says "For God’s sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself" Paddy replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe". --------------------------------------------------------------------------- An American tourist asks Paddy: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which Paddy replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat."

3 April 2014, 11:21 AM	#2
FeelingTheBlues "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Real Name: Carl Location: Always moving Watch: If you wish... Posts: 22,039	__________________ Mon corps c'est un pays en guerre sur l'point d'finir, Le général de l'armée de terre s'attend au pire, J'ai faim, j'ai frette, je suis trop faible pour me lever debout, On va hisser le drapeau blanc un point c'est tout. - André Fortin

9 April 2014, 11:55 AM	#5
77T 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Real Name: PaulG Location: Georgia Posts: 42,015	__________________ Does anyone really know what time it is?

11 February 2015, 10:04 AM	#6
Bisquitlips 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Richard Location: USA Watch: YM Deep Space Posts: 12,521	No! Just NO!!! __________________ Rolex Yacht-Master 40mm (SS-YG / Deep Space MOP) 16623 Breitling Aerospace Titanium / 18K with UTC. Omega Speedmaster 3510.50 Oris TT1 Pro Diver Regulator 43MM

14 February 2015, 08:31 AM	#7
Psmith "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Clive Location: Exoplanet Watch: spring-driven Posts: 38,856	__________________

3 April 2014, 03:33 PM	#3
Hairdude1 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Alex Location: Chicago Watch: AP,PP, Rolex Posts: 37,156	Funny

7 April 2014, 09:49 PM	#4
Bangel "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Australia Watch: 116610LN Posts: 15,802

14 February 2015, 02:49 PM	#8
vitalsignsrn "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Real Name: Judy Location: Ontario Watch: 116234 - 14060M Posts: 4,607	These are really good.

14 February 2015, 03:56 PM	#9
asadtiger "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Asad A. Awan Location: kabul, Afghanista Watch: Tissot PRX Posts: 2,698

18 February 2015, 09:12 AM	#10
Tri-Tip "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: CA, USA Watch: Out!!! Posts: 6,474	Is Paddy blonde by chance?

18 February 2015, 09:14 AM	#11
MonBK Banned Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kingstown Posts: 58,279	:)

16 April 2015, 02:50 AM	#12
watchwatcher "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Larry Location: Kentucky Watch: Yes Posts: 35,047

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