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Ruud Van Driver · 10 March 2015, 08:48 PM

Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
----------------------------------------
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
------------------------------------------
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
----------------------------------------
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
-----------------------------------
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
---------------------------------------------
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
--------------------------------------------------------
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

cop414 · 10 March 2015, 09:40 PM

brkanand · 11 March 2015, 03:25 AM

Ha ha good ones!

Tri-Tip · 11 March 2015, 07:20 AM

My favorite:

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

slcbbrown · 11 March 2015, 07:59 AM

Nothing like an awful pun to brighten the day-- Slovak!

Hairdude1 · 11 March 2015, 12:09 PM

Andad · 11 March 2015, 03:09 PM

swatty · 11 March 2015, 07:41 PM

Wd40

MonBK · 11 March 2015, 08:18 PM

:)

dysondiver · 11 March 2015, 08:28 PM

very good

Psmith · 12 March 2015, 05:13 AM

seand442 · 13 March 2015, 12:59 AM

watchwatcher · 16 April 2015, 02:34 AM

Bangel · 29 April 2015, 10:24 PM

jamesmay · 14 May 2015, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slcbbrown

Nothing like an awful pun to brighten the day-- Slovak!

jamesmay · 14 May 2015, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tri-Tip

My favorite:

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

jamesmay · 14 May 2015, 05:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tri-Tip

My favorite:

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Still gets me everytime

Frosty · 14 May 2015, 07:58 AM

10 March 2015, 08:48 PM	#1
Ruud Van Driver "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Real Name: Chopped Liver Location: S. Wales Valleys Watch: Mickey Mouse Posts: 9,926	Some quickies (Work/child safe-ish) Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession. ---------------------------------------- A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?" The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient". ------------------------------------------ Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take. ---------------------------------------- Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them.. "Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing" ----------------------------------- Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then." --------------------------------------------- My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. -------------------------------------------------------- Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt . Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

10 March 2015, 09:40 PM	#2
cop414 TRF Moderator & 2024 SubLV41 Patron Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Tim Location: Pennsylvania Watch: 14060M Posts: 72,172	__________________ Rolex Submariner 14060M Omega Seamaster 2254.50 DOXA Professional 1200T Card carrying member of TRF's Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons TRF's "After Dark" Bar & NightClub Patron P Club Member #17 2 FA ENABLED

11 March 2015, 12:09 PM	#6
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11 March 2015, 03:09 PM	#7
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12 March 2015, 05:13 AM	#11
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11 March 2015, 03:25 AM	#3
brkanand 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Real Name: DrK Location: India Watch: 4=YMDaytonaGMTHulk Posts: 7,052	Ha ha good ones!

11 March 2015, 07:20 AM	#4
Tri-Tip "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: CA, USA Watch: Out!!! Posts: 6,471	My favorite: Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

11 March 2015, 07:59 AM	#5
slcbbrown "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2009 Real Name: steve Location: dallas area Watch: 50's TT t-bird Posts: 3,689	Nothing like an awful pun to brighten the day-- Slovak!

11 March 2015, 07:41 PM	#8
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11 March 2015, 08:18 PM	#9
MonBK Banned Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kingstown Posts: 58,279	:)

11 March 2015, 08:28 PM	#10
dysondiver "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Real Name: tom Location: northern ireland Watch: my fins Posts: 10,063	very good

13 March 2015, 12:59 AM	#12
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16 April 2015, 02:34 AM	#13
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29 April 2015, 10:24 PM	#14
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14 May 2015, 07:58 AM	#18
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