How do adults meet people?

[Bstewart]

This is a pathetic question. When I was in high school, it was easy to have and maintain a lot of friends. After graduation and going away a few hundred miles to college, I grew apart from them all. I had nostalgic memories of them but coming back home, most of them were still living at home, no aspirations, I outgrew that quick. Made some friends in college but mostly studied, and we all moved to different cities after graduation. I am 29 now with a great job and a wife but no “real” friends. I have a few acquaintances we BS about work, maybe once a month see each other, maybe grab dinner but I can’t tell them anything deeper than gym routines or cars or something. I own a nice home, cars, have traveled the world, work out 5-6 days a week but it doesn’t help and is really lonely. My coworkers are all 2-3 decades older than me so nothing there. I guess I just don’t know how people my age make new friends that have at least somewhat similar interests. And I am not a weirdo either, not even too introverted (although I just find “small talk” impossible if I have no interest in a subject).

I don’t know. Thanks for reading

[RW16610]

I think through common interests would be the best way. Car clubs, adult sports teams, and so many other hobbies that bring people together. Since you're already interested in some of these I'm sure you'll get there as you try more activities or go different places. You'll be plesantly surprised what events like cars and coffee can do. Either way, I wish you the best and know you'll be able to

[Letsgodiving]

I'm an extreme loner so I have no personal experience for you but I've heard some (on the internet) say meetup.com can be an avenue to meet like-minded individuals.

[Dr.Brian]

Just swipe right!
Job done.

[BBL]

Volunteering provides tremendous opportunities.
Fun classes.
Clubs.
Having a dog opens conversations during walking.
Church.

Good Luck!

[TheVTCGuy]

Playing on a sports team, clubs (like TRF), activities with acquaintances like parties, barbecues, bowling, whatever introduces you to their friends.

[Lawman77]

Really?

[Jimbogigolo]

I guess work, school or hobbies are some of my personal ways to connect with people.


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[GB-man]

Education, work, hobbies

[GB-man]

Originally Posted by Jimbogigolo

I guess work, school or hobbies are some of my personal ways to connect with people.


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Lol you read my mind

[j0oftheworld]

To quote a friend, "life is a journey to expand the friends you party with"

[Laszlo]

Debate club.

[BrazenC5]

Time to have kids!!

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[OmegaJJH]

Originally Posted by BrazenC5

Time to have kids!!

Oh, so so true !!!

(Although you’ll meet like minded people in antenatal classes who are in the exact same position in life as you)
My closest friend is from our NCT group who I only met 2 years ago.

OP you mentioned your colleagues being 20-30 years older than you. Why would that stop you being close friends if you have things in common??

Some of our closest friends who we’re actually going away with this weekend are all retired (I’m 34) They’re great fun and certainly like a drink! We first met when I was a poor tax dodging student with no money - they always remind me of that!!


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[tyler1980]

In my experience you get less social as you get older. Its harder to meet people sure, but your desire to do so decreases as well. So its probably related.

Having kids, and all your friends are now the parents of your kids friends. So basically common interests are now irrelevant and you are friends due to proximity.

[Danny83]

Tinder

[Star Ferry]

you can join a club -- golf club, racquet club, hunting club, scuba club, car club, etc.

you have money for hobbies, and you have a nice house for entertaining guests. If you make an effort, you should be fine

[joli160]

OP, i know what you mean, it even gets worse getting older.
Does not bother me anymore, it did though

[tamiya]

Meh, socialising is overrated. Peaceful solitude so rare these days.

[Rock]

It's not a "pathetic question".
It can be very hard to make or maintain friends - depending on your occupation.
Some jobs come with a ready-made social group and you will usually find some of them who you relate to enough to become long-term friends.
Other jobs not.
I think 'special interest groups' are probably the best way to meet people like yourself. This can be difficult if you and your partner have distinctly different interests.
Volunteering can be good - if that is your thing.
Friends of the Theatre, the Art Gallery, Sporting groups, can also be productive.
I have noticed that post-65, a lot of people withdraw into their family (grandkids) and it is easy to find yourself isolated if you don't do the same.

[superdog]

To be blunt, it sounds like you are making excuses for not having friends.

Friendships require effort and work. And you typically get exactly what you give. Having a house or cars doesn’t create friendships. Spending time and making effort does.

But to meet people? Take a class, join a club, find them online. Be outgoing. Say hello. Start a conversation. Sit at a bar for dinner and chat with the bartender. Next thing you know you will be chatting with fellow patrons.

Put in the effort.

[The Libertine]

Originally Posted by joli160

OP, i know what you mean, it even gets worse getting older.
Does not bother me anymore, it did though

Same. But I sincerely appreciate that a few good friends are better than a lot of acquaintances.

My wife is my best friend, and my relationship with her matters most.

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by The Libertine

Same. But I sincerely appreciate that a few good friends are better than a lot of acquaintances.

My wife is my best friend, and my relationship with her matters most.

Yeah, mine is too, but there needs to be more than that I feel. Way too often I keep things inside that I should probably share.

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by OmegaJJH

Oh, so so true !!!

(Although you’ll meet like minded people in antenatal classes who are in the exact same position in life as you)
My closest friend is from our NCT group who I only met 2 years ago.

OP you mentioned your colleagues being 20-30 years older than you. Why would that stop you being close friends if you have things in common??

Some of our closest friends who we’re actually going away with this weekend are all retired (I’m 34) They’re great fun and certainly like a drink! We first met when I was a poor tax dodging student with no money - they always remind me of that!!


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Maybe it’s part of my problem but I need people to be relatable to me. I am sincerely not trying to sound like a jerk, but as a 29 year old guy who’s fitness routine is a huge part of my life, I can’t be “real” friends with, say, a 60 year old slob with no care for health or wellness. Our ideals are just too different. Not to say I can’t be friendly with them and polite, which I always am, but the differences are not just our ages but also many other deeper differences.

[yannis]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Maybe it’s part of my problem but I need people to be relatable to me. I am sincerely not trying to sound like a jerk, but as a 29 year old guy who’s fitness routine is a huge part of my life, I can’t be “real” friends with, say, a 60 year old slob with no care for health or wellness. Our ideals are just too different. Not to say I can’t be friendly with them and polite, which I always am, but the differences are not just our ages but also many other deeper differences.

It doesn't sound like you tried sincerely or hard enough now does it?

[MonBK]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Maybe it’s part of my problem but I need people to be relatable to me. I am sincerely not trying to sound like a jerk, but as a 29 year old guy who’s fitness routine is a huge part of my life, I can’t be “real” friends with, say, a 60 year old slob with no care for health or wellness. Our ideals are just too different. Not to say I can’t be friendly with them and polite, which I always am, but the differences are not just our ages but also many other deeper differences.

Too bad, I wanted to be your friend!

[yannis]

Originally Posted by MonBK

Too bad, I wanted to be your friend!

[mjclark32]

The whole “I workout” thing seems odd, I’m 32played football through college (started every year) and workout 6 days a week now, sometimes two a days. I’ve met plenty of friends through my neighborhood and I don’t think any of them workout. Do I care? No. Would it be fun if they came to the gym with me? Yeah. But, I also have some guys from the gym I see.
I moved to a place after college I never thought I’d live and knew no one.
My wife and I joined a golf club and a racquet club over the past five years. We’ve met some people were friendly with, but really the majority of the friends I/we’ve made came from our neighborhood. We recently moved, but not far away, and still see our friends regularly.
The bigger issue you may encounter, since you’re 29, may be finding friends that aren’t chasing their kids around. That’s kind of what we’ve been dealing with now. We just had our first and a lot of our friends are on their second so finding the time to go out is more difficult. It’s turned into - come over for drinks before/after feeding babies. But, I’m sure once our kids get older together we’ll get back to normal.
Hit up a few local bars, invite some of your younger neighbors over for a beer, help out in the community and you’ll be just fine.
All the best

[droptopman]

Golf is a great way to meet and spend time with people/friends. Join a club. I tend to isolate and I don’t drink which eliminates some other social events, so golf is great way to enjoy the outdoors and spend some time with my peeps.
I workout everyday too but rarely talk to folks at the gym. I go at 5 am during the week so want to get my exercise done quickly and go to wok. Socialize a little at the gym on the weekends but nothing more than superficial talk.

[PascalSwiss]

Jesus had twelve friends and got betrayed by one of them.
I met many people and realized that they come and go like the wind.
My closest friends are all parts of my family.
Maybe it is time for you and your wife to have a child ;-)