One For The Golfers.

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With the universal acceptance of rather meaningless golfing terms such as 'bogey' 'birdie' 'albatross' and the like, the R and A (Golfs governing body, the Royal and Ancient, for any non-golfers reading this) have produced a new list of golfing terms to be adopted with immediate effect.

These terms should be self evident, but in true tradition the R and A have listed them with full descriptions in this years 'Rules of Golf' as follows: -

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Cuban - needs one more revolution

An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim

An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand

A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect

A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional

A Glen Miller - kept low but didn't make it over the water

An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result

A Russell Grant - a fat iron

A Rodney King - over-clubbed

An O.J. Simpson - got away with it

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

A Robin Cook - just died on the hill

A Michael Jackson - gradually fading

A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs

A Ken Livingstone - quite far left

A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right

A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

An elephant's arse - high and mighty

A condom - safe, but it didn't feel real good

A circus tent - a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it