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Pep04 · 21 September 2010, 11:15 AM

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
' No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
" Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer...Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........

sleddog · 21 September 2010, 11:27 AM

Some great ones there Pep!!

coddger · 21 September 2010, 11:38 AM

Poohsan · 21 September 2010, 11:49 AM

I need more time with my wife... that way I can come up with a few new ones!

Idle Swede · 21 September 2010, 11:49 AM

Chipmunk · 21 September 2010, 12:10 PM

swatty · 21 September 2010, 12:32 PM

ParisDakarBmw · 21 September 2010, 12:48 PM

My wife, and I enjoyed those!

You would think someone is recording my life!

blackmsport · 21 September 2010, 02:55 PM

very clever

gold canyon · 21 September 2010, 03:07 PM

JJ Irani · 21 September 2010, 03:17 PM

Shade · 21 September 2010, 05:02 PM

Hahahaha... well I think it's time to avoid conversation with my wife now for a while.

sushisummo · 21 September 2010, 05:10 PM

hahahahahhahahahahhaha

rfknauss · 22 September 2010, 10:07 AM

cujo · 22 September 2010, 10:41 AM

Great humor! Loved them..Thanks

Art 1 · 22 September 2010, 11:04 AM

Ultraman · 22 September 2010, 09:18 PM

TSW · 22 September 2010, 09:27 PM

cajunron · 24 September 2010, 10:51 AM

now that's some funny @*$%!

21 September 2010, 11:15 AM	#1
Pep04 "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Real Name: Pep Location: Miami Watch: GMTIIc, Pam320 Posts: 2,773	How to Start a Fight One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ______________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' ' No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" " Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.... ________________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer...Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ________________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ __________________ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin Prick #8

21 September 2010, 11:27 AM	#2
sleddog TRF Moderator & 2024 SubLV41 Patron Join Date: Jul 2007 Real Name: Rob Location: Nearby. Posts: 24,930	Some great ones there Pep!! __________________ He who wears a Rolex is always on time, even when late!! TRF's "After Dark" Bar & Nightclub Patron-Founding Member..

21 September 2010, 11:38 AM	#3
coddger "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: Only Mom Knows Location: Land Of The Free Watch: 116520,16610,16013 Posts: 1,573	__________________ Contentment Is Not The Fulfillment Of Getting All The Watches You Want, It Is The Realization Of How Many Rolexes You Already Have.

21 September 2010, 11:49 AM	#4
Poohsan "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Real Name: Arron Location: phoenix, AZ Watch: GMT 1675 Posts: 764	I need more time with my wife... that way I can come up with a few new ones! __________________ 1680, 1675, 116610LN, GMT Master II, Explorer II, Tudor Big Block 79170

21 September 2010, 12:10 PM	#6
Chipmunk "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Real Name: Alvin Location: So Cal Watch: ROLEXES Posts: 5,390	__________________ "A thing of beauty is a joy forever"............John Keats

21 September 2010, 11:49 AM	#5
Idle Swede Suspended Join Date: Oct 2008 Real Name: Leo Location: Boca Raton Posts: 13,820

21 September 2010, 12:32 PM	#7
swatty 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Peter Location: Sydney Watch: The Game Posts: 17,415

21 September 2010, 12:48 PM	#8
ParisDakarBmw Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Real Name: Paul Location: New Haven, CT Watch: 116610 Sub-C Posts: 6,552	My wife, and I enjoyed those! You would think someone is recording my life!

21 September 2010, 02:55 PM	#9
blackmsport Banned Join Date: May 2009 Location: Melb - Australia Posts: 2,959	very clever

21 September 2010, 03:07 PM	#10
gold canyon "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Southwest Watch: R O L E X Posts: 1,188

21 September 2010, 03:17 PM	#11
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,319

21 September 2010, 05:02 PM	#12
Shade "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Real Name: Norman Location: Jakarta Watch: All of 'em.. Posts: 2,926	Hahahaha... well I think it's time to avoid conversation with my wife now for a while.

21 September 2010, 05:10 PM	#13
sushisummo "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Real Name: JT Location: in a house....:) Watch: Hmmm......? Posts: 1,776	hahahahahhahahahahhaha __________________ Collections: -- R-O-L-E-X --AP-ROO -- P-A-N-E-R-A-I -- B-R-E-G-U-E-T -- I-W-C -- B-A-L-L -- O-T-H-E-R-S WISHLIST: Too many to list...... Member #23367

22 September 2010, 10:07 AM	#14
rfknauss 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Real Name: Richard Location: Macungie, PA Watch: 5513 Sub, LV Sub Posts: 14,497	__________________ *"Few things in life give man as great a pleasure as wearing a Rolex!"* TRF's "AFTER DARK" Bar & NightClub Patron

22 September 2010, 10:41 AM	#15
cujo Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Florida, USA Watch: Pepsi GMT... Posts: 211	Great humor! Loved them..Thanks

22 September 2010, 11:04 AM	#16
Art 1 Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Florida, Canada Watch: Rol/Seik/Tud/Omega Posts: 30,244

22 September 2010, 09:18 PM	#17
Ultraman "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 2,175

22 September 2010, 09:27 PM	#18
TSW "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: TSW Location: Le Brassus Watch: Rolex & AP's Posts: 27,449	__________________ AP Owners Club IG @swiss.watch.connection

24 September 2010, 10:51 AM	#19
cajunron 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Real Name: Ronnie Location: Southeastern USA Watch: Omega Seamaster PO Posts: 3,872	now that's some funny @*$%!

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