Self Confidence/ Self Worth

[Moggo]

Just wondering what gives you your self confidence/worth?

I've suffered with anxiety/depression for a long time and lack of self confidence. (I'm sure I'm not alone in that).

A bit of a deep topic I know but just wondered some of your thoughts on this? We seem to have a large cross section of people on TRF so thought I'd ask.

Have a good day all.


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[Sperry]

Fasting after 8pm, avoiding junk food and sweets, and doing lots of sit-ups every other day.

Other than that, I take each day pretty easy. Work hard when there's work to do. Walk around town, bicycle, relax when there is not.

[Rock]

Anxiety, Depression, Self-esteem, Confidence.
In my life experience there is often a relationship between these mental states.
There is a young man that I know who is quite intelligent, a good person, and has had a very loving and supportive upbringing, but is introverted, prone to anxiety and has fairly poor self-esteem. Why?
When you have known children from birth, yours and those of your friends, you know that people are born with certain characteristics that have nothing to do with nurture or environment.
My lifelong observations of people lead me to believe that we are born with genetically-determined physical and mental characteristics that in most cases dominate environmental influences.
So my answer is "your genes".

[superdog]

I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.

I have had issues with anxiety since I was a little kid (so I agree with Rock above). Literally from the beginning of my memories, I remember worrying about things.

I had been in therapy as a kid, but that was not overly helpful. I still deal with it today and I am 43 years old. I worry about conversations I have had, I worry about just about everything. Sometimes, I check my door to see that it is locked 6 or 7 times and I still worry later that I might not have locked it.

Yes, I have issues.

I have had therapy over the years, started a yoga practice (turned it into a business), and I have always been a practitioner of fitness. Working out helps me. A lot. When I am feeling overweight I am not comfortable in my skin and it makes things worse.

Besides the gym, what helps? I look at my history. I try to teach myself based on my past experiences. I look at my performance at my various jobs and I look at where I am in life now. And I realize that I must be doing OK. And I also realize that the vast majority of the things I worry about NEVER come true.

I also realize that most of the problems that I do have, are handled well when they arise, and that no amount of worry or preparations could have prepared me.

Sometimes, when things get bad, I also roar and or growl. Yep, thats right. I let my animalistic side come out and I roar out my frustrations and my worries. And I tell myself that I can and will handle anything that gets thrown at me.

Letting go of anxiety is about training your brain. It takes practice and it takes time. I am much better, but I still have my days and even weeks when I go into a funk.

But just like training muscles, we can train the mind. The more we practice what we want and how we want to feel, the easier it becomes. That is basically the principle of mediation. We quiet the monkey mind.

FWIW OP, if you ever want to talk about it, send me a PM. I would chat with you anytime you want.

[Rock]

Seth has a very good 'handle' on what is a fairly common condition, with people fitting somewhere on a continuum.
His description about being a "worrier", and the level of introspection that usually goes with an Anxiety condition, including the OCD aspects is very familiar to anyone who suffers from Anxiety.
He has a number of very practical suggestions including the valuable role of exercise/fitness and the benefits of meditation, and value of perseverance and mind-training.
Life-experience, particularly "successes" also helps to manage the condition, although it is a long-term challenge rather than a short-term one.
Good luck with things Moggo.

[Star Ferry]

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has helped a lot of people. This doesn't necessarily entail seeing a therapist -- there are self-help books that teach CBT techniques

A few other things I can think of

1) Go outside everyday and get fresh air

2) Exercise most days (You can combine this with #1 by taking the exercise outside )

3) Try to focus on the positives and on things you can control, rather than negatives and things you can't control

4) There's no need to worry about other people's opinion of you. If you're getting criticism from a loved one and you think it's coming from a good place, then it's probably worth considering. But generally, there are always haters and they're usually not worth listening to

[mjclark32]

[QUOTE=superdog;7733109]I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.
QUOTE]

You're the man, Seth, wish I knew you while I was still living up there

[locutus49]

I think you need to find a subject or job that you can get good at. When you are good at something, it gives you confidence in your ability. And that gives you self-confidence.

[hugs]

Spend an hour on Facebook or watch some reality TV.

You will feel much better about yourself when you see what some people are like.

[Valenciawatchrepair]

A saying my mom told me that her grandmother told her.

"If money can fix is, it's not a problem."

Add to that, that your worst critic is yourself.

Luckily I've been able to let most things roll off my back. Not to say I don't get down sometimes.

[mannyv11]

Originally Posted by superdog

I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.

I have had issues with anxiety since I was a little kid (so I agree with Rock above). Literally from the beginning of my memories, I remember worrying about things.

I had been in therapy as a kid, but that was not overly helpful. I still deal with it today and I am 43 years old. I worry about conversations I have had, I worry about just about everything. Sometimes, I check my door to see that it is locked 6 or 7 times and I still worry later that I might not have locked it.

Yes, I have issues.

I have had therapy over the years, started a yoga practice (turned it into a business), and I have always been a practitioner of fitness. Working out helps me. A lot. When I am feeling overweight I am not comfortable in my skin and it makes things worse.

Besides the gym, what helps? I look at my history. I try to teach myself based on my past experiences. I look at my performance at my various jobs and I look at where I am in life now. And I realize that I must be doing OK. And I also realize that the vast majority of the things I worry about NEVER come true.

I also realize that most of the problems that I do have, are handled well when they arise, and that no amount of worry or preparations could have prepared me.

Sometimes, when things get bad, I also roar and or growl. Yep, thats right. I let my animalistic side come out and I roar out my frustrations and my worries. And I tell myself that I can and will handle anything that gets thrown at me.

Letting go of anxiety is about training your brain. It takes practice and it takes time. I am much better, but I still have my days and even weeks when I go into a funk.

But just like training muscles, we can train the mind. The more we practice what we want and how we want to feel, the easier it becomes. That is basically the principle of mediation. We quiet the monkey mind.

FWIW OP, if you ever want to talk about it, send me a PM. I would chat with you anytime you want.

Seth this is an absolutely incredible post and thanks for sharing my man. I have had some of these issues over my short turn on this marble so far mostly since my little one was born, I started really double/triple checking everything now and worry a lot about future stuff/past experiences.

Thanks again for this post my friend you are truly one of the best around

[GB-man]

1) exercising everyday or at least 5 days a week.

2) meditation

3) drinking more water and less coffee

[keithl]

Originally Posted by Moggo

Just wondering what gives you your self confidence/worth?

I've suffered with anxiety/depression for a long time and lack of self confidence. (I'm sure I'm not alone in that).

A bit of a deep topic I know but just wondered some of your thoughts on this? We seem to have a large cross section of people on TRF so thought I'd ask.

Have a good day all.


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My Modesty is well deserved.

[BristolCavendish]

Originally Posted by Moggo

Just wondering what gives you your self confidence/worth?

(1) Being around people who are supportive and have your best interests at heart.
(2) Avoiding/limiting associations with self-serving individuals who call themselves your friend (aka phonies).
(3) Taking time to recreationally 'chill' and escape the everyday world of BS.

In the WW2 movie 'A Thin Red Line' directed by Terrence Malick, a private (Jim Caviezel) asks his aloof sergeant (played by Sean Penn) if he ever got lonely to which Penn replies, "Only when I'm around other people."

These 'other people' represent 90% of the real world so it is often best to distance oneself from certain individuals or else you may find yourself even more alienated.

[Moggo]

Thanks for all your replies, I guess I'm not the only one with struggles.

It's easy to get carried away on this forum at times with the glitz and glamour (which I enjoy seeing), forgetting that lots of people have dark times too.

Some really honest replies here, it really is a forum of good and helpful people :)


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[locutus49]

Let me give you one example I encountered that moved me.

On a Youtube chess channel, where a guy Mato Jelic analyzes famous chess games, most of the comments are about the game or thanking Mato for the analysis.

But in the comments on one game, a guy revealed that he was autistic and had Bipolar II. He said basically that he had been watching the channel for 5 years and it kept him sane. He said chess taught him how to win, and how to lose. I thought that was an important life lesson: learning how to win and how to lose.

Anyway, the larger point is he found something to enjoy that helped him stay sane and enjoy life. There are many ways to learn to cope with life. You just have to find your own way. Best of luck.

Originally Posted by Moggo

Thanks for all your replies, I guess I'm not the only one with struggles.

It's easy to get carried away on this forum at times with the glitz and glamour (which I enjoy seeing), forgetting that lots of people have dark times too.

Some really honest replies here, it really is a forum of good and helpful people :)


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[superdog]

[QUOTE=mjclark32;7733256]

Originally Posted by superdog

I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.
QUOTE]

You're the man, Seth, wish I knew you while I was still living up there

Thanks brother. Glad to know you now!

Let's meet up again someday and enjoy some horological convo.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by mannyv11

Seth this is an absolutely incredible post and thanks for sharing my man. I have had some of these issues over my short turn on this marble so far mostly since my little one was born, I started really double/triple checking everything now and worry a lot about future stuff/past experiences.

Thanks again for this post my friend you are truly one of the best around

Thanks brother. Appreciate you saying that. Means a lot.

Anxiety is a bitch.

[breitlings]

I think personally I was made purposefully and lovingly for a plan and others are too. For example David was small when he faced Goliath, his size underscored a deeper purpose.

[droptopman]

Originally Posted by superdog

I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.

I have had issues with anxiety since I was a little kid (so I agree with Rock above). Literally from the beginning of my memories, I remember worrying about things.

I had been in therapy as a kid, but that was not overly helpful. I still deal with it today and I am 43 years old. I worry about conversations I have had, I worry about just about everything. Sometimes, I check my door to see that it is locked 6 or 7 times and I still worry later that I might not have locked it.

Yes, I have issues.

I have had therapy over the years, started a yoga practice (turned it into a business), and I have always been a practitioner of fitness. Working out helps me. A lot. When I am feeling overweight I am not comfortable in my skin and it makes things worse.

Besides the gym, what helps? I look at my history. I try to teach myself based on my past experiences. I look at my performance at my various jobs and I look at where I am in life now. And I realize that I must be doing OK. And I also realize that the vast majority of the things I worry about NEVER come true.

I also realize that most of the problems that I do have, are handled well when they arise, and that no amount of worry or preparations could have prepared me.

Sometimes, when things get bad, I also roar and or growl. Yep, thats right. I let my animalistic side come out and I roar out my frustrations and my worries. And I tell myself that I can and will handle anything that gets thrown at me.

Letting go of anxiety is about training your brain. It takes practice and it takes time. I am much better, but I still have my days and even weeks when I go into a funk.

But just like training muscles, we can train the mind. The more we practice what we want and how we want to feel, the easier it becomes. That is basically the principle of mediation. We quiet the monkey mind.

FWIW OP, if you ever want to talk about it, send me a PM. I would chat with you anytime you want.

Great post Seth

Working in Behavioral Health all these years; it is this kind of attitude and proactivity that is crucial for improvement and quality of life. I really appreciate your honesty and openness. This can be so helpful for other readers.

I have my own issues but of a different kind, mainly around addiction(s) but have been sober for many years. My obsessive traits are still evident though, even in long term recovery. Working out, diet, golf, and meditation are the keys for me. That and about once a month--doing nothing all day but watching movies with my wife and eating comfort food. No phones or internet. Just a day off work and off the grid.

Most of my self confidence these days comes from the above, work, and most importantly helping others. Nothing gives me more of a boost than being of service to my fellow man.

[rr-nyc]

Originally Posted by superdog

I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.

I have had issues with anxiety since I was a little kid (so I agree with Rock above). Literally from the beginning of my memories, I remember worrying about things.

I had been in therapy as a kid, but that was not overly helpful. I still deal with it today and I am 43 years old. I worry about conversations I have had, I worry about just about everything. Sometimes, I check my door to see that it is locked 6 or 7 times and I still worry later that I might not have locked it.

Yes, I have issues.

I have had therapy over the years, started a yoga practice (turned it into a business), and I have always been a practitioner of fitness. Working out helps me. A lot. When I am feeling overweight I am not comfortable in my skin and it makes things worse.

Besides the gym, what helps? I look at my history. I try to teach myself based on my past experiences. I look at my performance at my various jobs and I look at where I am in life now. And I realize that I must be doing OK. And I also realize that the vast majority of the things I worry about NEVER come true.

I also realize that most of the problems that I do have, are handled well when they arise, and that no amount of worry or preparations could have prepared me.

Sometimes, when things get bad, I also roar and or growl. Yep, thats right. I let my animalistic side come out and I roar out my frustrations and my worries. And I tell myself that I can and will handle anything that gets thrown at me.

Letting go of anxiety is about training your brain. It takes practice and it takes time. I am much better, but I still have my days and even weeks when I go into a funk.

But just like training muscles, we can train the mind. The more we practice what we want and how we want to feel, the easier it becomes. That is basically the principle of mediation. We quiet the monkey mind.

FWIW OP, if you ever want to talk about it, send me a PM. I would chat with you anytime you want.

Great post, Seth

I had my first anxiety issue in 2010 and have been working to overcome it since. All the suggestions you made have all worked for me. The letting go part has been the hardest, by far.

[handsfull]

Hit the gym. Hard. Cures ALOT of ills.

Also try enrolling in Jiu Jitsu.

[AK797]

Originally Posted by superdog

I think this is tough to talk about for a lot of people. I tend to talk about everything and have very little shame. So I will play.

I have had issues with anxiety since I was a little kid (so I agree with Rock above). Literally from the beginning of my memories, I remember worrying about things.

I had been in therapy as a kid, but that was not overly helpful. I still deal with it today and I am 43 years old. I worry about conversations I have had, I worry about just about everything. Sometimes, I check my door to see that it is locked 6 or 7 times and I still worry later that I might not have locked it.

Yes, I have issues.

I have had therapy over the years, started a yoga practice (turned it into a business), and I have always been a practitioner of fitness. Working out helps me. A lot. When I am feeling overweight I am not comfortable in my skin and it makes things worse.

Besides the gym, what helps? I look at my history. I try to teach myself based on my past experiences. I look at my performance at my various jobs and I look at where I am in life now. And I realize that I must be doing OK. And I also realize that the vast majority of the things I worry about NEVER come true.

I also realize that most of the problems that I do have, are handled well when they arise, and that no amount of worry or preparations could have prepared me.

Sometimes, when things get bad, I also roar and or growl. Yep, thats right. I let my animalistic side come out and I roar out my frustrations and my worries. And I tell myself that I can and will handle anything that gets thrown at me.

Letting go of anxiety is about training your brain. It takes practice and it takes time. I am much better, but I still have my days and even weeks when I go into a funk.

But just like training muscles, we can train the mind. The more we practice what we want and how we want to feel, the easier it becomes. That is basically the principle of mediation. We quiet the monkey mind.

FWIW OP, if you ever want to talk about it, send me a PM. I would chat with you anytime you want.

Well said, Seth, a very healthy attitude you have too.

We have seen our fair share of mental illness in our family and often times when one is depressed it can be, like with schizophrenia or bipolar, that it is basically due to a chemical inbalance in the brain and it needs medication and therapy. We use words like depressed very easily in every day language and thus trivialise it, and while depression often comes from real life tragic events, sometimes people just feel low and down for no reason and that is where asking for help is important as it could be a mental and medical condition and needs to be treated. You can't just force yourself out of it just like you can't with heart disease, and having a good job or big house or even a loving spouse just isn't enough and sometimes makes it even worse when no one can then sympathise with you.

[hugs]

Originally Posted by handsfull

Hit the gym. Hard. Cures ALOT of ills.

Also try enrolling in Jiu Jitsu.

It might be different in the US but over here most people in the gym are young guys with too much testosterone (probably artificial at that). If the alternative to being a bit unconfident is to be a totally aggressive unapproachable animal I would rather be a bit shy

[Fredrik]

Physical exercise. Both cardio and weights. You will sleep better, eat better and feel better. This is what I do. Do as much as you can.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by hugs

It might be different in the US but over here most people in the gym are young guys with too much testosterone (probably artificial at that). If the alternative to being a bit unconfident is to be a totally aggressive unapproachable animal I would rather be a bit shy

I am not sure you are comprehending the issue presented in this thread.

[handsfull]

Originally Posted by hugs

It might be different in the US but over here most people in the gym are young guys with too much testosterone (probably artificial at that). If the alternative to being a bit unconfident is to be a totally aggressive unapproachable animal I would rather be a bit shy

Most ridiculous thing I've read this year. But I can be ridiculous too 😄.... It sounds like your 'alternative' is to stay fat and passive/scared: good plan👍🏼

Originally Posted by superdog

I am not sure you are comprehending the issue presented in this thread.

I would agree

[Hpozzuoli]

Lots of smart folks here. Diet, excercise, and sleep are the basic first steps.

[brandrea]

I can remember a time, not long ago, where I was conflicted about different things in my career, and in some of my relationships.

In large part for me, self confidence came with age and experience. You get to a point in your life where you become comfortable in your own skin, and you make no apologies for who you are and what you stand for.

Having people in your life you can talk to is very important; and its great that you've reached out here.

[hugs]

Originally Posted by superdog

I am not sure you are comprehending the issue presented in this thread.

I was responding to a single post I posted my answer to the general thread earlier on.

Originally Posted by handsfull

Most ridiculous thing I've read this year. But I can be ridiculous too ��.... It sounds like your 'alternative' is to stay fat and passive/scared: good plan����

You are basically agreeing with my point that some people approach this issue by going from being a complete coward, to a complete aggressive animal. Thanks for your concern but just so you know I am neither.. you can be confident without intimidating and bullying everyone around you.