Today is my fathers first birthday without us....

[1st amg]

As some of you may know, our family lost our father to pancreatic cancer back in October. Needless to say, this has been extremely difficult for myself and my children, not forgetting to mention my mother who is a mess. We have had to endure the first Christmas and New Years with out him which was beyond sad and very very hard for everyone. But, today, and leading up to today, I never thought this was going to be the one "milestone" that seems to hurt the most. My wife gathered the children, my son 10 and daughter 8 to write a card so we can bring them to the cematery before school and place the card for their grandfather. My children were very close to their grandfather, my son, when he started to write the card burst into tears and cried. We, as parents, as you can imagine burst into tears as well and reassured both kids, that love is beautiful but can also hurt when they are gone. To all who have fathers or mothers alive, soak in every moment as things can change for the worse in a hurry. Then, all you are left with is memories, photos and videos if you are lucky. Thankfully, I have no regrets as I kept my family close to my parents and was lucky enough to include them in everything we did. Today really hurts, in fact, it is darn right painful. I hope posting this didn't waste any ones time. This place for some reason has been a platform for me to share good and bad.

[blassy]

First everythings are tough when we lose a loved one.
I lost both my parents in the span of 5 years and in the middle lost my brother...entire family gone in far too short a time.
Sounds like you had a great relationship - cherish those memories.
It's a bit of an old saying, but I tried to hold on to it.
Don't be sad that it's over, be happy because it happened.
Memories are the cushions we have in life during the hard times.
I can tell you it gets easier because it does, but it's awful for a long time. You don't get over it but you do get used to it.
My dad was and always will be my hero so it's especially painful. I think a lot about it still and I've come to this conclusion.
When I see myself in my mind's eye - despite the fact that I'm a grown man with two children - I still see MYSELF as that kid. I see myself as a son following my dad everywhere. It's a weird thing.
Thoughts are with you.
It's an awful club to be in but you only get how it feels when you join.

[brandrea]

I have nothing profound to say Nick. Grieving the loss of a loved one is a very personal, unique experience. Your dad was the patriarch of your family and that a not easily replaced.

I wish you and your family all the very best during this very difficult time. The only thing I can add is to try your very best to focus on the things that made your dad such a great man, and positive influence on your family. He’d want you all to smile when you think of him.

One day, the pain will go away and the memories of your dad will only make you smile.

Best, Brian

[77T]

Yes it is a tough loss to endure. Being grateful for all you’ve done to honor him during his lifetime is some solace.

Keep all your loved ones in your daily/weekly thoughts and prayers is the best elixir possible. Also this helps: focus on your current purpose and your future efforts to make their lives more rewarding.

Rededicating yourself to these goals on this day annually can be his lasting blessing to you and the family.


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[superdog]

Originally Posted by 1st amg

As some of you may know, our family lost our father to pancreatic cancer back in October. Needless to say, this has been extremely difficult for myself and my children, not forgetting to mention my mother who is a mess. We have had to endure the first Christmas and New Years with out him which was beyond sad and very very hard for everyone. But, today, and leading up to today, I never thought this was going to be the one "milestone" that seems to hurt the most. My wife gathered the children, my son 10 and daughter 8 to write a card so we can bring them to the cematery before school and place the card for their grandfather. My children were very close to their grandfather, my son, when he started to write the card burst into tears and cried. We, as parents, as you can imagine burst into tears as well and reassured both kids, that love is beautiful but can also hurt when they are gone. To all who have fathers or mothers alive, soak in every moment as things can change for the worse in a hurry. Then, all you are left with is memories, photos and videos if you are lucky. Thankfully, I have no regrets as I kept my family close to my parents and was lucky enough to include them in everything we did. Today really hurts, in fact, it is darn right painful. I hope posting this didn't waste any ones time. This place for some reason has been a platform for me to share good and bad.

Good advice. Sorry for the loss and the pain you are feeling today. Remember the good times, and the great life he lived, and even more importantly, his legacy. You and your family.

[gettocard]

Both my parents are still alived and recently became grandparents too,but reading this filled my eyes with tears. Thank you for sharing these emotions,best of luck to you and your family.

[Griswald]

Nick,
I am so sorry for your loss, and I completely understand your grief.Today marks 1 year that my Father passed away. As you and many of us know, there are no words to describe our loss, our pain, and our love for those close to us who are gone.
Griswald

[RW16610]

That's so true, Nick. I'm very sorry for your loss and even your words show what a difficult thing this is and will be for the entire family. You did him proud and certainly have great family values.

Although I wish it were possible to never have bad news, it's good that you shared this story as a reminder. We're all so very lucky and it becomes easy to take things for granted. Continue to cherish every moment and be as strong as you can for your family.

Truly appreciate you sharing this and I'll never get tired of that or take these things for granted in my own life.

[Art 1]

I'm sorry that you are going through all this pain. Thanks too for sharing this with us. It makes me for one stop and think about things for a bit.

[GB-man]

I know how you feel nick. I lost my grandfather 3 years ago and it was by far the worst day of my life. My father passed before I was born so my grandfather was my father for all intents and purposes.

The hardest part has been watching my grandmother struggle as taking care of my grandfather was her entire life. The first year is the worst but frankly I still get broken up about it to this day.

Try to focus on the good times.

[SDRider]

I lost my Father in 2010 and my wife lost her Mother in 2015. It is one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through but then I remind myself of my best friend who lost his only child at age 16. I can't imagine the pain he went through and still goes through to this day.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss Nicholas. I can definitely relate... getting misty just typing this.

[1st amg]

Brian, Paul G, Seth, Andy, Rommel, Art, GB man and Julian, thank you so much for your kind kind words and experiences, they truly do help the day get by. I really do appreciate it. Thank you

[1st amg]

Originally Posted by blassy

First everythings are tough when we lose a loved one.
I lost both my parents in the span of 5 years and in the middle lost my brother...entire family gone in far too short a time.
Sounds like you had a great relationship - cherish those memories.
It's a bit of an old saying, but I tried to hold on to it.
Don't be sad that it's over, be happy because it happened.
Memories are the cushions we have in life during the hard times.
I can tell you it gets easier because it does, but it's awful for a long time. You don't get over it but you do get used to it.
My dad was and always will be my hero so it's especially painful. I think a lot about it still and I've come to this conclusion.
When I see myself in my mind's eye - despite the fact that I'm a grown man with two children - I still see MYSELF as that kid. I see myself as a son following my dad everywhere. It's a weird thing.
Thoughts are with you.
It's an awful club to be in but you only get how it feels when you join.

Wow Chris, first of, I really feel for your situation you went through, and your words are very heartfelt, you make sense in what you wrote, I have read this a few times today and it certainly helps and adds a ray of clear light in a very dark room. Thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts in writing for me.

[TheRolexKingofLV]

Sorry for your loss Nicholas. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

[swils8610]

I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you. Both of my parents are still with me and I try to spend as much time as I can with them. They live in AZ for part of the year so it can be tough. I dread the day when they won’t be here. My dad is also someone who I look up to. Thoughts and prayers are with you.


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[Danny83]

Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing with us

[GradyPhilpott]

My condolences to all.

[underpar31009]

Nick, I am so sad to hear this news. I lost my dad in 2008 to pancreatic cancer. I am here for you if you want to talk. I wish there was something I could say to make it better but there is not. Glad to here how close your family is and that you have no regrets. Praying for peace and comfort in the days ahead man.

[Ruud Van Driver]

I filled up reading that, Nick. I'm so sorry for your loss, mate.

Be strong for your mum and your kids. God bless.

[wantonebad]

No solace but at least he was in your lives, sorry for your loss.

[rodo]

Fathers are very special people. Know that he is up in heaven looking over and protecting you and your family.

[nick c]

Hi Nick, very sorry to hear that and for your loss, stay strong all of you.

[Widows Son]

So sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents, there is really no way to prepare for it. We know the day will come, but we pretend it will never happen. My mom's last days were spent in hospice, I was working midnight shift at the police dept at the time. We had so many false alarms that we really couldn't predict when it would happen. I got a text at work that mom had passed away, my wife got the same text at home while in bed. This same day was my son's birthday, he just turned 2 years old. Just before my wife received the text, she heard my son talking to someone. He was in his room directly across the hall. He never talked in his sleep before or to himself either. I can only assume mom was saying good bye to him.

[blassy]

I tend to believe in these things.
My mom was born in Italy and was everything a stereotypical Italian mom was.
First she was a worrier. Always scared when we went anywhere and always needed to call when we left and when we arrived...despite the fact that I was approaching 50 years old. Even more so with my kids.
She was in hospice her last couple weeks and for the last few days had pretty much slipped into a coma. We all visited and talked to her. She knew I had plans to take the kids about 3 hours away to Pittsburgh to see a kids concert.
I didn't want to go but the nurses assured me she would make it through the next couple days. All she kept telling me before she couldn't talk any longer was please be careful on the drive.
I got home that Sunday night and immediately went to see her. Kissed her and told her I loved her and that we were home safe. I went home to put the kids to bed and got the call that she had passed....30 minutes after I left.

[BBL]

Reading about everyone losing a loved one, and their pain, has reignited mine -- which can happen in an instant -- a song, a picture, a phone call, or reading posts like this.

Sincere condolences to all who are mourning your departed loved ones,
Through misty eyes... DM

[dba]

Reading you post didn't waste my time. It did cause my eyes to fill, however.

Just so you know, that saying that time heals . . . It's all crap.

I lost my dad in 1992 and my mom in 2005. It hasn't gotten easier for me.

[KrismanX]

I love that card idea! When it comes time in February for my grandfather's birthday, my family likes to have a little party(a dinner at home, or his old favorite restaurant) to celebrate the man and share the positive effects he had on us. A birthday, after all, is to celebrate life..and his was a wonderful life indeed.

It won't necessarily hurt less, it never really does. Everyone hurts and heals differently. Make sure you take the time to do the healing you need to foster some peace for yourself, that way you can be there for your family in the strongest and best way. Every journey progresses one step at a time. We're here for you brotha!

[1st amg]

Wow, I just can not get over comradery in this forum. I don’t think I have met one forum member face to face, I only pretend to know you through our passion of watches etc. I will make it my mission to meet many of you one day, you have all made me feel much better knowing your experiences. I come from an Italian emigrant family, needless to say, many in my culture are either screamers or we keep things to ourselves. I am in between but with this experience of my father and making sure my mom gets through this along with my kids, I have weeped and hurt in private. TRF has been my one and only true place of getting my true sorrows out. You all who have responded and added to this thread are amazing, supportive people.....thank you once again.


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[GerardoG]

Dear Nicholas:

I am sorry to read about your loss; it is indeed a very unpleasant experience that, unfortunately, we will have to go through far too many times....even one, it is too many.

We do take for granted our families and loved ones as we get submerged in the day to day happenings of this trip called life; yet when they leave us here, we always say 'if I only...'

Your words and those from all comments here are a reminder -not a gentle one, yet a hard knock on the door- to express our feelings NOW. Not tomorrow or next week; that is too late.

I know that finding peace in your heart is an impressive task as there will always be those beautiful moments you shared together that will make you shed a tear. Cry proudly. Tears reflect love and admiration.

Kindest regards.

[droptopman]

Nick, so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. My condolences. May the Gods bring you and yours some peace.

I have not experienced this with my folks but I know I will at sometime. I lost my grandfather when I was 14 and we were very close. I still visit his grave site some 37 years later and I still miss him. Does not hurt as much as it once did. At some point I was able to let go and focus on the positive memories.