Question for our American TRF members, would you rather receive a Tip or good manners

[cglondon]

Good evening.

I’m holidaying with my family here in Mexico. We have our little son (20 months) with us. He’s made the trip all the way from the UK. 10 hour flight. We are trying to expose him to different cuisines and make fantastic memories with him.

While I sit here relaxing in the evening after a struggle to get my boy to sleep. I’m thinking about the holiday so far. It’s been a bit of a culture shock witnessing how (I ll be honest) the vast majority of Americans guests are treating the Mexican hotel staff. The bar staff, the restaurants, the buffet or the coffee shop.

I might add. I have done a fair bit of travelling in my time. 6 weeks across the states included so i believe I’m qualified to mention it. As a Brit that’s very fond of America.

What I am seeing is a huge lack of basic manners towards the staff. For example, if a waiter comes over to ask you if you would like coffee and proceeds to fill your cup. You better say thank you at the very least! Barking orders at the man cooking your omelet, really highlights the type of person you are.

The interesting part of this is, after ignoring your waiter for 30 mins. Or being rude or impolite to the bloke that’s making your Margarita or decaf latte while your three kids discuss what flavour ice cream they would like today. You hand over a $1 tip.

In the states does giving a tip warrant the use of bad manners? Or dare I say it, are your neighbours over the border looked upon as beneath you?

I am genuinely interested to find out if this is the same at home in the States? Or do these people change their tune as soon as they land in Cancun and purchase their huge refillable cups.

Of course this is tongue in cheek as I’ve met some fantastic Americans over the years, that I consider to be friends. I’m curious about the tipping situation in exchange for good manners. For clarification, are we tipping when we feel it’s appropriate and have received good service.

Cheers!


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[ltmgeller]

People suck and I can't believe that this is the norm. I tip at least 20% across the board, regardless of where I am. If they are Americans being obnoxious and cheap in Mexico, I can almost guarantee that they are the same way at home.

[MrGoat]

I treat everyone the way I would like to be treated, even when they don’t treat me the same I still try my hardest to be objective and polite (please note I say try, because I’m not perfect either).

That being said, $1 is not a tip. I gave more than that to the guy that asked me if I had any change to spare leaving wawa today.

I’ve noticed many (not just Americans) are entitled and self absorbed these days. If they’ll never see them again they don’t care how they treat anyone. It’s a problem in our society that I feel will only get worse over time.


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[BLACKHORSE 6]

Just had a conversation with my 8 year old son the other day about saying “please” and “thank you” to the staff at the restaurant we were eating in. Amazing how many don’t extend what should be common courtesy.

[gwozhog]

Originally Posted by cglondon

Good evening.

I’m holidaying with my family here in Mexico. We have our little son (20 months) with us. He’s made the trip all the way from the UK. 10 hour flight. We are trying to expose him to different cuisines and make fantastic memories with him.

While I sit here relaxing in the evening after a struggle to get my boy to sleep. I’m thinking about the holiday so far. It’s been a bit of a culture shock witnessing how (I ll be honest) the vast majority of Americans guests are treating the Mexican hotel staff. The bar staff, the restaurants, the buffet or the coffee shop.

I might add. I have done a fair bit of travelling in my time. 6 weeks across the states included so i believe I’m qualified to mention it. As a Brit that’s very fond of America.

What I am seeing is a huge lack of basic manners towards the staff. For example, if a waiter comes over to ask you if you would like coffee and proceeds to fill your cup. You better say thank you at the very least! Barking orders at the man cooking your omelet, really highlights the type of person you are.

The interesting part of this is, after ignoring your waiter for 30 mins. Or being rude or impolite to the bloke that’s making your Margarita or decaf latte while your three kids discuss what flavour ice cream they would like today. You hand over a $1 tip.

In the states does giving a tip warrant the use of bad manners? Or dare I say it, are your neighbours over the border looked upon as beneath you?

I am genuinely interested to find out if this is the same at home in the States? Or do these people change their tune as soon as they land in Cancun and purchase their huge refillable cups.

Of course this is tongue in cheek as I’ve met some fantastic Americans over the years, that I consider to be friends. I’m curious about the tipping situation in exchange for good manners. For clarification, are we tipping when we feel it’s appropriate and have received good service.

Cheers!


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not really fair to put all Americans in one category Because their is a huge difference between many Americans. Texas, New York, California, and alot of other states might as well be different countries because the people are so different in the way they act and talk. Hope this helps. You need to be more specific. Were they Yankees, or southeners, or from the west coast?

[Star Ferry]

I don’t think the issue is that Americans have especially poor manners toward service staff. If you’re at an English speaking resort in Mexico then the vast majority of foreign tourists will be American. Mexico is nearby to the US and has (mostly) lower prices.

This is like if I flew first class from New York to Benidorm or Ibiza, and then was surprised by hordes of badly behaved British tourists who had hopped over on a Ryanair flight for a cheap sunburn and a cheaper hangover.

[kieselguhr]

Funny, we’ve seen London locals treat their wait staff just as poorly when grabbing snacks while roaming the city during layovers, and they don’t tip. Oh and don’t get me started on the French, the wait staff will treat you poorly regardless of how polite you are.

But to answer your question, when I was younger and moonlighting as a bartender in Las Vegas, I didn’t care how rude people often were. They typically tipped well regardless. That being said, it’s always good to be polite to people serving you food/drink.

[GB-man]

The kind of people who frequent all inclusive type places in Mexico aren’t our finest unfortunately.

[joli160]

Nothing to do with nationality.

There is a reason why there are Russian free hotels in Turkey.
As already mentioned English tourists in Spain are quite capable of ruin a holiday for other guests. Ever seen a group of Chinese behave in a restaurant ?
Dutch soccer ‘fans’ in Italy ? The list is endless.

Some people are just plain rude and especially nowadays a lot of entitlement going on.
It must have something to do with the upbringing. Lots of kids are little princes or princesses who are taught that they are special.
My dad kicked me in the butt when I misbehaved and I raised my sons the same way. They have become nice adults and good manners is natural for them.

[Andad]

I couldn’t read past:

Mexico - little son (20 months) - different cuisines.



In Australia I think we expect the cost of the meal to include the cost of the service.

A tip would be for service over and above?

[mountainjogger]

Booth.

No excuse for poor manners.

No excuse for not paying for service.

And while not a prerequisite to good raising, and treating others as you want to be treated, on the whole, I have found that good behavior is reciprocated.

[NYC6]

Three years ago my buddy and his wife vacationed in England. One of the nights he was in a pub having a good time with the resident patrons. He even bought several locals some pints. My friends eventually left and three of the tavern guys jumped my friend on the street and cracked him in the head with a brick and robbed him.
When I was in the Navy my Frigate made port call in Portsmouth and at least two of my shipmates got rolled by Brits. I guess I should have started a thread soon after it happened asking if most Brit’s are criminals and muggers and if that’s the normal behavior of Englishmen.
Quite inflammatory ‘tongue in cheek’ thread which really isn’t tongue in cheek because that implies humor and I don’t see anyone here chuckling, except you, maybe. Poor thread cg for what gain other than ruffle feathers needlessly.

Bottom line, there are good and bad, rude and polite, cheap and giving folks from all countries, all walks of life and one shouldn’t make generalizations on countries, races, or even what part of a country they hail from. IMO

[HHIslander]

Originally Posted by NYC6

Three years ago my buddy and his wife vacationed in England. One of the nights he was in a pub having a good time with the resident patrons. He even bought several locals some pints. My friends eventually left and three of the tavern guys jumped my friend on the street and cracked him in the head with a brick and robbed him.
When I was in the Navy my Frigate made port call in Portsmouth and at least two of my shipmates got rolled by Brits. I guess I should have started a thread soon after it happened asking if most Brit’s are criminals and muggers and if that’s the normal behavior of Englishmen.
Quite inflammatory ‘tongue in cheek’ thread which really isn’t tongue in cheek because that implies humor and I don’t see anyone here chuckling, except you, maybe. Poor thread cg for what gain other than ruffle feathers needlessly.

Bottom line, there are good and bad, rude and polite, cheap and giving folks from all countries, all walks of life and one shouldn’t make generalizations on countries, races, or even what part of a country they hail from. IMO

Well said.

[daveathall]

Well, I'll be honest, I have always thought (and found) that Americans, when it comes to manners are much more polite than my countrymen and women. It seems holidaying brings out the worse of manners no matter which country one comes from.

There are bad apples in every bunch.

Any waiting staff deserve a tip and good manners.

[AzPaul]

We Yanks are generally awful and should by and large be ignored.

Unless, of course, there's trouble.

[enjoythemusic]

Good manners cost nothing.

[dafuture]

The norm should be good manners and a tip. I don't believe it goes one way or the other. The only time I tip under 20% is when I receive poor service, but even then my manners don't waiver.

[East Bay Rider]

When brits are impolite they at least sound regal.

[Chewbacca]

Who tips on vacation? You’ll never see these people again.

[2loaded]

Originally Posted by Chewbacca

Who tips on vacation? You’ll never see these people again.

[HHIslander]

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

When brits are impolite they at least sound regal.

This is so true. One of my best friends is a brit. He has the most polite insults, directed in the most calm manner. "If your mother had the benefit of accurate foresight, there would have been one more baby available for adoption on your birthday chap.."

[brandrea]

To answer the question in your OP, a kind word goes a lot further than a dollar

[Blansky]

Back after WW2 when international air travel was starting to take off with affordable flights to far off lands, and Americans were venturing out into the world to experience other cultures there was a derogatory expression that some may have deserved and some not.

It was "the Ugly American", where Americans would make fun of, and be loud and boisterous in other countries, not respecting their culture, their ways of doing things and their accommodations. Of course now most hotels are international and large cities have adopted the customs of the west, and it's easy to travel seamlessly to most places and experience what you'd expect at home to some extent.

As for the OPs experience, there are something like 380 million Americans, so judging a few as rude, does not have much to do with the other hundreds of millions. Add in the fact that often people on vacation do not necessarily behave as well as they might in different circumstances, especially in groups.

[AF_Rob]

For every terrible American you saw, there were probably many more being respectful and nice to staff. If you’re looking for terrible behavior, you’re going to find it. Additionally, terrible behavior is generally what we remember in a given day.


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[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Back after WW2 when international air travel was starting to take off with affordable flights to far off lands, and Americans were venturing out into the world to experience other cultures there was a derogatory expression that some may have deserved and some not.

It was "the Ugly American", where Americans would make fun of, and be loud and boisterous in other countries, not respecting their culture, their ways of doing things and their accommodations. Of course now most hotels are international and large cities have adopted the customs of the west, and it's easy to travel seamlessly to most places and experience what you'd expect at home to some extent.

As for the OPs experience, there are something like 380 million Americans, so judging a few as rude, does not have much to do with the other hundreds of millions. Add in the fact that often people on vacation do not necessarily behave as well as they might in different circumstances, especially in groups.

I think it’s mostly about the geography of wealth, power, and consumption. As the US emerged from WWII as the world’s dominant economic power, people all over the world begrudged the deep pocketed Americans pouring into their borders. Now that China is primed to become the top economic power, Chinese cash is flooding across the world and similarly pissing folks off. And now the Parisian hospitality workers might be hoping for the Americans they hated to come back

[Letsgodiving]

At least your son will never remember any of this holiday so the horrible Americans won't taint him.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

I think it’s mostly about the geography of wealth, power, and consumption. As the US emerged from WWII as the world’s dominant economic power, people all over the world begrudged the deep pocketed Americans pouring into their borders. Now that China is primed to become the top economic power, Chinese cash is flooding across the world and similarly pissing folks off. And now the Parisian hospitality workers might be hoping for the Americans they hated to come back

Agree. The US, Canada and perhaps Australia were possibly the only countries to be relatively unscathed from the war. (In fact actually benefited from it not counting the loss of life of soldiers.)

Most of Europe was devastated, Russia was destroyed with 20 million dead and Asia was recovering from Japan's wars since the early 30s.

An interesting thing about human nature is that free money is never free. And people descending on your life and lifestyle throwing around money although needed, and sometimes welcomed, is also often resented.

Look at the feelings of tourist countries during and after Covid Lockdown. They loved the tourist free life, and in some ways developed ways to try to curtail it, even though their economies need it.

It's like relatives visiting. It's ok for a few days, but.....

[East Bay Rider]

OP - you claim to have American friends. Tell me; do the "vast majority" of your American friends behave as you described in your original post? If not then I'll suppose that you already know that most Americans don't behave that way normally or believe that any small tip gives them license to treat others, including the staff who are serving their needs, poorly.
What you're observing may just be personal differences. While some may be reserved and even passive aggressive in their interactions, others may be bold and forthright, demanding/denying attention from or away from the staff. In the end they're paying their money so they want what they want. You might have observed a few jerks who made an impression on you. You may have made another impression on them.
I'm fairly certain that both types are plentiful in all cultures and nationalities.

[Boopie]

Originally Posted by NYC6

Three years ago my buddy and his wife vacationed in England. One of the nights he was in a pub having a good time with the resident patrons. He even bought several locals some pints. My friends eventually left and three of the tavern guys jumped my friend on the street and cracked him in the head with a brick and robbed him.
When I was in the Navy my Frigate made port call in Portsmouth and at least two of my shipmates got rolled by Brits. I guess I should have started a thread soon after it happened asking if most Brit’s are criminals and muggers and if that’s the normal behavior of Englishmen.
Quite inflammatory ‘tongue in cheek’ thread which really isn’t tongue in cheek because that implies humor and I don’t see anyone here chuckling, except you, maybe. Poor thread cg for what gain other than ruffle feathers needlessly.

Bottom line, there are good and bad, rude and polite, cheap and giving folks from all countries, all walks of life and one shouldn’t make generalizations on countries, races, or even what part of a country they hail from. IMO

Agreed. It’s a pretty broad brush. I’ll leave it at that.

A few years ago, at lunch with a friend and colleague who is Japanese-American, and extraordinarily successful in a highly competitive profession, we somehow we got on the topic of meeting our husbands. She is married to an American, and she mentioned that she never, ever considered marrying a Japanese man. She provided me with her reasoning that, needless to say, was not very flattering. Her opinion, frankly, surprised me.

It’s interesting because, over 40 years ago, my uncle was stationed in Japan, and he met and married a woman from a very prominent Japanese family. I also had a very close childhood friend who, too, had a Japanese mother who married an American GI stationed in Japan. We also have a neighbor who is Japanese (literally raised in Japan), and her husband is not. So, the only three Japanese women I personally know who were born and raised in Japan are not married to Japanese men, and chose to live in America to raise their children.

Who knows, perhaps these guys were extraordinarily good tippers!

I certainly didn’t create a thread here or anywhere asking whether my Japanese-American friend’s impression is correct, that Japanese men are male chauvinists who don’t treat their wives as well as American men treat their wives.

Japan has a population in excess of 125 million. Are these four anecdotes any less “valid” than what OP posted?

I don’t make generalizations about countries, cultures and people based on less than a handful of anecdotes.

I personally am also a very good tipper. I also expect good manners from my children.

[Shmoopy]

A Brit making observations about the crappy behavior of others while on vacation. Lololol

This is comedy gold.